“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)
I often feel burdened, like I’m supposed to be perfect. The realization that I’m not sends me into a whirlwind of depression, knowing that God’s law and my actions have separated paths, and it’s not God’s law that’s meandering off the straight and narrow. Surely the Lord — the Great and Eternal Judge — can’t be pleased with my misdoings. He’s a God of justice, right? If the law is broken, then I’ve got to pay up. And even though I understand that the Atonement is there to pay the debt for me, I still don’t really understand. I don’t understand that it’s precisely because I *am* a sinner, utterly undeserving of anything heavenly, that Christ comes in and saves me. Even though I’m hopelessly imperfect no matter how hard I try, He still loves me. How can He love me?!? I make so many mistakes. But somehow His charity covers and overlooks a multitude of my sins and shortcomings, when my heart is in the right place. I don’t understand it, but it sure feels good. It’s like a huge wave of relief soaking through every patch of my heart. He picks up the pieces of my shattered soul and patiently, lovingly, painstakingly fits them back together again, each time into something a little more glorious than the last (until I go and shatter it again). Sometimes I forget about Him, though, more often than I’d like to admit. I forget how good forgiveness feels and get numbed out of feeling anything at all. How can I forget something so wonderful? And yet I do. I don’t understand myself. All I understand, really, is that He is there no matter what, even if I can’t see Him or feel Him or touch Him, and that He’ll always be there for me. And that He’s always ready to heal my heart just as soon as I approach him sincerely.
Hmm, I’ve never written an entry like this before, but it feels good.

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