Comments on: A new chapter http://www.topofthemountains.net/2006/05/27/a-new-chapter/ "Hitch your wagon to a star." —Ralph Waldo Emerson Tue, 07 Oct 2008 05:18:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0 by: Ben http://www.topofthemountains.net/2006/05/27/a-new-chapter/#comment-1384 Sat, 03 Jun 2006 14:57:22 +0000 http://www.topofthemountains.net/2006/05/27/a-new-chapter/#comment-1384 Self-esteem is important, true, but focusing too much on oneself isn't good. I think that when we know who we are and how much we're worth in God's eyes, that's enough and we need to then turn our focus to other people. It's like a black hole sometimes -- if our central focus stays too close to us, we get sucked into ourselves and find it difficult to care about other people. And when it really comes down to it, isn't that what matters? Personal experience (along with the teachings of wise men and women whose counsel I trust) has taught me that when I'm thinking about myself all the time, happiness is fleeting at best. But when I forget about myself and think about those around me -- their happiness and well-being -- I feel great, I'm at peace with myself, and true happiness glows out from within. That said, of course there's a need for self-esteem, because those who have a negative view of themselves find it rather hard to get outside themselves and help others. And there's the question: to raise our self-esteem, should we focus on how good a person we are (or ought to be), or should we rather do our best to serve others? I'm leaning towards the latter, because it's in helping others that we'll find our true selves and really be at one with ourselves and with those around us. As for the girl, in retrospect I'm really glad that she told me right away, because it's freed me to move on and get over it. And now I'm quite fine, 100% back to normal. Self-esteem is important, true, but focusing too much on oneself isn’t good. I think that when we know who we are and how much we’re worth in God’s eyes, that’s enough and we need to then turn our focus to other people. It’s like a black hole sometimes — if our central focus stays too close to us, we get sucked into ourselves and find it difficult to care about other people. And when it really comes down to it, isn’t that what matters? Personal experience (along with the teachings of wise men and women whose counsel I trust) has taught me that when I’m thinking about myself all the time, happiness is fleeting at best. But when I forget about myself and think about those around me — their happiness and well-being — I feel great, I’m at peace with myself, and true happiness glows out from within.

That said, of course there’s a need for self-esteem, because those who have a negative view of themselves find it rather hard to get outside themselves and help others. And there’s the question: to raise our self-esteem, should we focus on how good a person we are (or ought to be), or should we rather do our best to serve others? I’m leaning towards the latter, because it’s in helping others that we’ll find our true selves and really be at one with ourselves and with those around us.

As for the girl, in retrospect I’m really glad that she told me right away, because it’s freed me to move on and get over it. And now I’m quite fine, 100% back to normal.

]]> by: Chris Brogan... http://www.topofthemountains.net/2006/05/27/a-new-chapter/#comment-1189 Tue, 30 May 2006 02:54:56 +0000 http://www.topofthemountains.net/2006/05/27/a-new-chapter/#comment-1189 In his excellent book, Self-Esteem, Dr. Matthew McKay points out that one trick we who suffer from low self-esteem tend to play is the "mind reading" trick. We love presuming what other people think of us, but in truth, it's always a projection of our own inner mess being overlaid upon the poor hapless people who wander into our lives when we're not quite feeling 100%. I don't know the LDS viewpoint on improving self-esteem, but since Dr. Covey plays for your team, I'm thinking it's cool to help one's self. That said, the best possible time to start a new chapter is when you finish rewriting your fresh biography, after cleaning up all the loose plot threads. FWIW, it really really chews hearing those types of things from people, no matter how put-together you're feeling. In his excellent book, Self-Esteem, Dr. Matthew McKay points out that one trick we who suffer from low self-esteem tend to play is the “mind reading” trick. We love presuming what other people think of us, but in truth, it’s always a projection of our own inner mess being overlaid upon the poor hapless people who wander into our lives when we’re not quite feeling 100%.

I don’t know the LDS viewpoint on improving self-esteem, but since Dr. Covey plays for your team, I’m thinking it’s cool to help one’s self. That said, the best possible time to start a new chapter is when you finish rewriting your fresh biography, after cleaning up all the loose plot threads.

FWIW, it really really chews hearing those types of things from people, no matter how put-together you’re feeling.

]]>