A turn of the screw

The oddest thing has happened.

When I went to bed last night, I prayed for guidance as to which library job I should aim for, now that my first shot has turned out to be a dud. Circulation? Special Collections? Cataloguing? And with these thoughts in my mind, I fell asleep.

In the wee hours of this morning I awoke and got in the shower. Mulling over what I ought to do, the thought of staying where I am came to mind. Now, I was sure that I really needed to start working in a library as preparation for my career, and that’s why I was so intent on getting a library job. It seemed the natural next step.

As I thought over what it would be like if I stayed, however, to my surprise I found that the must-get-a-library-job impulse had faded, and it would be quite okay to stay where I am. “What?” I asked. “But…but…”

I made up my mind to wait to make a final decision till tomorrow morning when I go to the temple. And I thought about it some more.

By the time I stepped out of the shower, I knew what my decision was — to stay with the Center — and I also had a peace of mind and heart that everything will turn out okay.

And now the interesting thing is that all my well-laid plans for the future — work at the library till I graduate, get a staff job for a year, start my MLS, etc. — aren’t quite as concrete as they’ve been for the past few months. I’ve surrendered them up to my Father, and I stand here like a child, content in knowing that He has a plan for me. I don’t know what will happen after I graduate, but I do know that I needn’t fear.

(Side note: I still have every intention of getting an MLS and becoming a librarian — that revelation was strikingly clear and I’d be a fool to deny it — and temporary setbacks certainly aren’t going to get in my way or dissuade me from my course.)

It’s funny when God speaks to me through my feelings, especially because the skeptic in me is screeching “It’s just your own feelings, idiot!”, but I am absolutely certain in this case that it came from the Lord. The message has his signature.

I worrked in the BYU library for over a year. A good chunk of it was on the fifth floor, which was were the kid’s books were (I don’t know if that’s still true). It was also were all the design and illustration books were, which was also convenient because that was my major.

My best job of all though? Door guard. What a nice place to sit and get paid to do homework. If you could suddenly give me my current salary to *that* all year, I’d switch in a heartbeat–as long as I could bring my laptop.

Kid’s books are now on the fourth floor (where the family history center used to be, if my childhood memory serves me correctly), but they’re still under the stewardship of the fifth floor reference desk.

Door guard, eh? :) I don’t know how I’d do with a job like that. Granted that I could do homework, I wouldn’t find any shortage of things to do (read books, sketch ideas out, etc.). But the whole stopping-people-who-are-violating-the-Honor-Code thing doesn’t appeal to me as much. I don’t know.