Not-so-fatal attraction

I’m tired and don’t feel much like writing, but letting a day go by without writing feels worse. :) So, I’ve been thinking about the oft-quoted phrase, “opposites attract.” I think it’s hogwash.

In my experience, at least, I’m attracted the most to girls uncannily like myself. I’ll save myself the embarrassment of listing out which traits I have in mind, but y’all have imaginations. :) Girls who aren’t very much like me usually don’t attract me much at all. There are occasionally exceptions, where chemistry throws a curve ball, but that’s rare.

For example (just one, though!), if I find that a girl likes books, her attractability goes up a lot. If, on the other hand, she’s really into sports, I’m just slightly less interested (mainly because a really athletic girl is unlikely to be a good fit for me, nor I for her).

I need to clarify what I mean by “attractive” here. There are two types: there’s the basic chemistry of personalities, when things just “click,” and there’s a deeper attraction that comes from common interests, dreams, and standards. One would hope that the latter would include the former. In my case, I’ve found a number of girls who I find attractive at the first level, but who have markedly different standards or interests, and it’s painfully clear that it would be shaky ground on which to build a relationship, in spite of the chemistry. And there are others who have similar interests and dreams and even standards, but there’s sadly no chemistry. C’est la vie.

And now comes the clamor of the crowd crying out that you have to try relationships out before deeming them impossible. I think not. It only takes a few minutes of talking with a girl (in real life) before I know whether there’s even a remote possibility. If there’s chemistry, it’ll be apparent by then; if there are similar interests and such, they too will make themselves clear before too long.

I don’t mean that you’ll always know immediately if a relationship will indeed work out, but you can narrow it down to the 1% or 2% where there’s actually a chance of it. And perhaps for most people that 1-2% window is actually 20-30%. I suppose it depends on how odd you are. :) (Meaning, the more eclectic you are, the smaller the window.) Having run some quick calculations, I’ve come to the conclusion that there have been about five girls on earth who I could really marry, and three of those died in the 1800s. :P Just kidding.

I don’t know why I’m blogging about this… ~sigh~ :)

The phrase “opposites attract” could be true, depending on what you mean by it. My parents were both well-educated, interested in raising a large family, strong members of the same religion, etc. My dad wrestled in high school and my mom ran a marathon in college, but neither of them were amazing athletes. In those respects, they are similar. However, by mother is kind of shy (hates calling people she doesn’t know) and my dad is really outgoing. My mom notices little things, like if I cut my hair or don’t feel good. My dad is less observant. They compliment each other really well. I can see how they balance each other out. I also see how their different strengths and characteristics have balanced me. I am better for having had both of them influence me.

I think there needs to be a best of both worlds. You need to have common interests with your significant other so as to create opportunities for bonding and all that jazz. If she likes camping and you hate it, or if you like snowboarding and she hates it, then there will be problems.

That being said, I think there also needs to be separate interests. I enjoy blogging and programming. My girlfriend likes canning and biking. These are activities that allow us to have some “alone time” which I think is also healthy in a relationship. If you had the same exact interests in everything, I think there would be too much competition, and frankly, you’d get sick of being with each other 24/7.

I’ve always been a little skeptical about the overly simplistic “opposites attract” theory, but a mentor of mine once suggested that it’s best to look for someone with an opposite personality that complements your own but with common interests that tie you together. That may not be the case for everyone–I won’t speak in absolutes about such an individualized issue–but I liked the idea.

Theoretically, I agree with what everyone has been saying about common interests, but I’m pretty sure my parents are an exception. My mom loves reading, my dad hasn’t touched a book outside of school and scriptures. My dad was a jock, my mom couldn’t be coordinated to save her life. Actually, come to think of it, I really don’t know what they like to do together . . . .

But with the complimentary personalities thing, that’s definitely true. It’s nice when parents can make up for each other’s short comings, and the kids can hopefully pick up the best of both. :P

Ben, can I introduce you to two of those five girls?
I’m serious.

You do realize that Anne Shirley and Lizzie Bennet don’t count, right? ;)

No, really, I’m afraid I have a habit of wrecking Yentas’ perfect matchmaking records. Not a single person, not even my own family, has come close! In fact, it’s hilarious to see what kind of a girl people perceive as my type. They’re always dead wrong. (Which makes me wonder what kind of message I’m sending. :)) Inspecting it further, I find that most of the time there are indeed a handful of common interests, but inevitably the chemistry is missing.

By chemistry I don’t mean that the girl has to be drop-dead gorgeous or anything like that, of course. Indeed, it doesn’t have all that much to do with looks, though it is a part of it. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s something beyond my power to conjure up. I can’t force myself to like a girl. Believe me, I’ve tried. :) I am kind of glad that I don’t just fall in love with every pretty girl I see, though — it’ll make it a whole lot easier to stay loyal once I do find my wife. (And I intend to be fiercely loyal.)

Getting back to matchmaking, the whole idea of getting set up is nice and dandy, and it works for some people, but in my case I think I strongly prefer meeting girls through natural methods (day-to-day life). I guess I’m getting jaded in my old age. :)

Does “natural methods” include websites such as ldslinkup.com? :-P

No, no, no, a thousand times no! ~shiver~ :)