Forget thyself

On my walk up to campus this morning I noticed at least 20 excellent shots, and I even had my camera in my pocket so I’d be ready when they presented themselves, but I didn’t take a single picture. Self-conscious paralysis set in and froze my arms. The camera stayed in the pocket.

This isn’t the best way to get good at photography, I’m thinking. :) And yet it’s really, really hard for me to feel comfortable with taking photos while other people are walking around. And almost impossible to take pictures of other people without feeling really weird, even stalkerish. Perhaps this is a post 9/11 syndrome.

I guess I just have to pretend like I’m doing it for a class or for the newspaper or something, to convince myself that it’s okay and that other people won’t be wondering what on earth I’m doing. It’s silly, really, and yet it’s got a vise grip on my camera. Maybe if I had a bigger camera — an SLR instead of a run-of-the-mill consumer camera — I’d feel more official and thus legitimized. Instead I feel like a tourist, but not.

You know what I wish? I wish I could flip a switch and turn off my inhibitions, at least momentarily (till I get the shot). But instead I only take the shot when I feel like there’s nobody around. There was one time when I was walking down the hill, taking pictures of all the leaves, that I managed to ignore everyone else who was walking by. It was hard. :) I almost feel like my inhibitions would be gone if I only had someone else with me, as if that somehow makes it okay. But it is okay. ~sigh~

There’s a thread about this on UseFilm.com, FWIW.

A bit of advice: take to wearing hats. Fedoras, berets, caps. It’s my experience that it does wonders for training one to turn off silly social inhibitions. Hurray for hats!

I have a Canon Digital Rebel and I must say, I do feel more legit when taking pictures of people. But the downside is I rarely take it with me (unless I’m planning on taking pictures of some event) because it’s so big…

Katherine: I’ll admit I have been tempted at times to don a fedora — the Indiana Jones complex, I suppose ;) — but so far I haven’t been able to get past the simple fact that I can’t stand having things on my head. Even in winter, I won’t wear a hat unless my face is already frostbitten. Gotta love eccentricities… :)

Connor: Aye, there’s the rub. Bigger cameras are nicer and more official, but they’re a pain to lug around. That’s one of the reasons I opted to get a small consumer camera, so I could take it everywhere — more as a memory camera than an art camera, I suppose, but it can still double as the latter (especially with help from my pal Photoshop).