This post* Since the whole point of dating is to get to know each other better, make sure you talk about yourself every chance you get (and don’t just sit around waiting for opportunities — make them!). Trust me, almost everything your date says is a veiled request for more information about you. There is no such thing as too much information.
* Talk about other people. A lot. Include ex-boyfriends/girlfriends if you can. If the conversation seems to die down, pull out your phone and call your ex. This will make your date jealous, and jealousy breeds attention.
* Personal hygiene is for people with no self-confidence. Don’t be afraid to be who you are — showers and deodorant and cologne and perfume and makeup are for insecure wannabes.
* You absolutely must maintain the appearance of being perfect; this means that if you spill something, or sit in the wrong row at the theatre, or get into a car accident, you must find a way to blame it on either your date or someone else in your group. Put yourself up on a pedestal. Your date will appreciate this more than you know.
* Avoid eye contact whenever possible. Pay attention to everyone else in the room, especially members of the opposite gender, so your date will not think you narrow-minded.
* Halfway through the date, drop a line about your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don’t have one? Make one up. You want your date to know that you’re able to form a successful relationship.
Just for the Ladies:
* If your date calls on his way to pick you up, do not answer the phone. You don’t want to appear too eager.
* Whatever you do, don’t let your date open doors for you. You may need to run ahead or grab his arm to prevent him from doing this.
* Spend lots of time in the ladies’ room. The longer, the better, for there are few things as romantic as having your date call 911 on your behalf, believing you to have passed out on the tile floor (or couch, as the case may be). And if he doesn’t, he’s almost sure to think you’re talking about him with other girls, so continue flattering his ego by staying at least half an hour, if not longer.
* Don’t laugh at anything your date says. Guys want to be taken seriously. The more you smile, the less chance you have of snagging your man.
* Arrange to have another date come and pick you up halfway through the date you’re on. When Gentleman #2 shows up, apologize briefly to #1 and leave with #2. This is a proven way to get a second date with #1.
And for the Gentlemen:
* Be fashionably late. Forty-five minutes is ideal, but thirty will do in a pinch. When you arrive, be sure to point out that you are on time, and that your date must have misheard. This is an opportune time to swear. Girls love knowing that their man has control of the situation and that he has a broad, indiscriminating vocabulary.
* Belch whenever possible. Picking your nose isn’t as effective as belching, but it still has its merits. Crack your knuckles. If that doesn’t work, crack your toes, knees, wrist, elbows, and neck.
* Demonstrate your flirting prowess with the waitresses, but do not flirt with your date. Girls want what they cannot have. The only way to get a second date is to pretend that you’re not interested.
* Rest assured that there will be a mistake in your bill. Don’t let the waiter walk all over you — stand up for your rights! If you have to take it to the manager, so be it. (This is especially effective if the mistake is only a few cents. Your date will gush over your attention to detail.) Prove your democratic and anti-establishmentarian sensibilities by leaving no tip, and be sure to point it out to your girl so she knows you love to share. Even better, give the gift that keeps on giving by asking her to pay the bill.
* For first dates: If you leave the doorstep without having kissed your date, you have failed. Go back, knock until she answers, and get it right this time.
* One word: bling.
