Till we meet again

I hate goodbyes.

Yesterday in sacrament meeting we released most of the ward, seeing as finals end this week and everyone’s moving on. And in each of my scheduled finals so far, I’ve walked out of the classroom thinking how I’ll probably never see most of my classmates again.

The closing hymn yesterday was “God Be With You Till We Meet Again.” On my mission, I’d always end up singing it with my fellow missionaries and local members as the time for transfers came, to the point that it became my song. It still is, in a way. And while I don’t get all teared up the way I would on the mission, I still feel like part of me is yanked out with each person who moves away.

This morning I picked up my cap and gown. Tomorrow I have my last two finals. My last day at my current job is Wednesday. Graduation’s on Thursday and Friday. I start one of my new internships next Monday, the other next Wednesday. It’s all changing so fast, and I don’t want it to!

Well, I do, but I really don’t want to say goodbye to everyone. I wish they could all just stick around forever. No more goodbyes, only “Hello.” But alas, the only place where that happens is heaven. And I’m not quite ready to go there yet. :P

The funny thing is that while it hurts a little right now to contemplate everything I’ll miss, when I’m actually done and graduated I won’t miss it as much as I think. Sure, there’ll be occasional pangs of longing for the past, but most of the time I’ll be solidly in my new reality, busily making new memories that I’ll someday have to move on from as well. And on it goes, a neverending pattern.

I’m so grateful for my family, who I know I’ve got for not only this life but also the rest of eternity, and for close friends who are always there. It sounds kind of sappy. (By the way, I think the people who call relationships sappy are the ones green with envy who want just that kind of relationship terribly bad but don’t have the guts to say so.) Bonds with family and friends are what matter most in life. Everything else will fade away, falling off like Eustace’s dragonskin. Let’s not forget what’s real and what is only a passing facade.

I hate goodbyes too. Hmm, here’s an interesting thing that I was thinking about this morning. It’s better to have hard goodbyes than to never let yourself get attached to people. I thought about that last night, because one of my friends was in tears over saying goodbye to everyone, and to me I wasn’t very affected by saying goodbye to my ward, because I haven’t come very close to them. I think I subconsciously made a decision sometime back that I would rather be stable and safe and not love people very much so that it wouldn’t be so painful when they left. Sounds like I need to watch Shadowlands again :)

Anyway, I don’t think it was such a good tradeoff afterall. It’s good to let your self love and then get hurt rather than never love at all, I am realizing.

I’m so glad that we have the hope of seeing our friends and family again after this life. If I didn’t have that I think this life would be most miserable.

I have had to say a lot of goodbyes in my life, but I have a few very good friends that will always be there. Even if my dear friends aren’t there at the moment, I can still have conversations with them in my mind. I know just what they would say; interestingly, they do the same thing. And, when we meet again be it five years or more, we pick up where we left off as if it we had just seen each other yesterday. Friendship - the real thing is as eternal as families. One friend compared it with Alma and the sons of Mosiah meeting up after a long mission. We all have missions in life, but when those missions are over, we will meet in heaven with our real natures exposed. We are all brothers and sisters, sons and daughters of God.

And, Ben I am from a very, very, very large family…the good, the bad, and the ugly - it doesn’t matter, you just can’t beat family.

I have had to say goodbye to my wonderful ward lately, but not because I am moving out, but rather because I have been given a calling which requires me to attend another ward. I totally know what you mean, and I too cannot wait for a place with “the same sociality that exists among us here” and have it last for eternity. A place with no more goodbyes? It sounds too good to be true. But it is true. Very true.

Holly: Yes, “the pain now is part of the happiness then.” (Or however it goes.) It’s very much more worth it to let yourself love and get hurt. Here’s how Lewis put it:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Janet: Friendship really does make a tremendous difference in life. (And in that I include not just friends, but also friendships with family members.) I don’t know what I’d do without it. And I really can’t understand people who aren’t friendly. What on earth is going on in their heads?

James: Ah, a stake calling, eh? :) I love that scripture (the same sociality one). Without that promise, I almost wonder if I wouldn’t lock my heart safe up in the casket or coffin of my selfishness. But because of it, I can dare to love deeply, even when it stings, precisely because I know that someday those relationships will spring back to life, and not just in color but in heavenly color, with shades and tendrils of meaning we’ve never experienced before. I can’t wait. (Well, I can, since I’ve still got a lot left to do on this earth, but you get my drift. ;))