Not so different after all

Something I’ve realized in the past month or so is that grownups are just like us twenty-somethings in so many ways. I used to see them as different creatures — once you “grow up,” you pass over the great divide and suddenly everything’s different. You know what to do in almost every scenario, you have limitless confidence, etc.

And now I’m seeing that it’s not really that way at all. I’m going to feel mostly the same when I’m 40 as I do now. Sure, things will change along the way, and being the head of a family will endow me with some of that confidence and wisdom in decision-making. (This seems to happen to most people thrust into leadership positions, though.) But I’m not going to be a vastly different, more mature person when I get married and start having kids. Adulthood isn’t going to solve all my problems. :)

In one way, this has shattered my childishly innocent vision of the grownups as knowing what they’re doing. They don’t. Perhaps sometimes they do, but a lot of the time they’re winging it. Just like us. It’s almost unnerving, but at the same time it means the playing field is leveled, and we youngsters can do things just as important as the things the adults are doing. That’s heady stuff. It’s given me a confidence that I didn’t expect. No longer a child, now I’m seeing that my work seems to actually matter. It’s for real now. And it’s not as scary as I thought, because everyone else is in the same boat.

(I don’t mean to discount the value of experience. People do get more mature over time, and there is quite a chasm of experience between me and someone who’s raised kids and grandkids. But there are more similarities than differences, I think. And that blows my mind.)

I’m still in my twenties (just barely!) but as I got married so young and I look older than I am, I was thrown into the “grown-up” world pretty quick. I remember making this same realization, and it was quite a gift for me! It was actually funny for a while to see that grown-ups were just as insecure, shy, misguided, lost and everything else as I was! It did give me a new perspctive on how we are indeed all children of God. We all need help and guidance. Everybody has troubles and fears and is really a child. Small children say how they think and feel as soon as it happens to them, and as they grow up they learn the social niceties and how to compose themselves in public, but they still have the same feelings. We all have the same feelings! When I get tired or hungry I’m almost as difficult to handle as my two-year old, but I don’t cry out loud and wail about how hungry I am (usually:)–my husband may disagree). Realizing this has given me more appreciation for who we all are. I have more tolerance for people who are “mean” to me because maybe someone took their “teddy bear” or something ;).

Ben,

Last night I was thinking about this post. Here are some of my thoughts:

Age has nothing to do with some things and everything to do with other things. I have had bishops that were my age when I was young and 30 years my junior now that I am old. I have also had plenty of old bishops so age doesn’t seem to be the factor here. Receptivity to the promptings of the Holy Spirit control the output as good inspired men wing it according to the will of the Lord. Humility, righteousness, sticking to the Lord’s standards, a good relationship with a good wife and love for ones fellow man seem to be the crucial traits required for the job.

In politics we have been counseled by the Lord to choose wise, experienced OLD men when we vote. Old men tend to be less pliable, more set in their ways and less easily swayed when the winds blow in the storms of life. They are aware of and wise to available options to solve problems due to their experience. Usually their ears can more easily separate wisdom from chatter. By the time one is old, one has a track record. Others know what they are and who they are in regards to their character. Their thoughts and actions are more predictable.

In parenting, age counts. Parents are young and energetic when needed, old and experienced when needed…and yes there is a lot of winging it going on. Wise parents are taught by the spirit, the unwise reject the spirit’s promptings – but the Lord does not withhold his counsel from any parent…He stands at the door and knocks 24/7. As a parent, the Lord and your children will be your greatest teachers and every child comes with their own instruction manual.

Age has nothing to do with friendship. My best of the best friends have been 40 years older, 20 years younger, or 10 years either way. The great majority of my friends have rarely been within a decade either way of my age. After you graduate, even in college friendships form as you serve. Are you friends with your professors, bishop, high counsel? Yep…that’s how it happens.

As for your work becoming meaningful, it always has been. And as Emily nailed the emotion thing on the head. You feel bad when someone steals your teddy bear or something even when you’re old.