Comments on: Fear itself

by: Ben

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 04:27:49 +0000

Thanks, e. And I think you’re right in the labeling. (They may end up being the same thing, but the name we use does affect the way we think about it.)

Oh, wow. I just looked up at the URL on this page and noticed the “-2″ at the end, meaning I’d accidentally reused a name of an earlier blog post. So I went back to see what it was, and to my surprise I wrote it exactly one year ago to the very day! How odd. I guess October 24 is going to be my fear post day from now on. :P

by: e

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 01:42:38 +0000

Ben, you are indeed not alone. And good for you in being honest with yourself. I like to think in terms of not worrying excessively about a thing rather than simply “ignoring” it. But it is quite true that what you are looking for will come when you least expect it, when you are not actually looking for it. At least in terms of dating and marriage, I think this works remarkably well.

by: Ben

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 03:01:38 +0000

Liz: I had a feeling you’d say that. :P Originally I thought the whole “let it happen naturally” view was a load of bunk, completely counterintuitive and backwards in every way. And now I see that I was wrong. (Maybe focusing on marriage does work for some people, but apparently I’m not one of them. :))

Janssen: Ya, zat ist good advice. :) Granted, there are problems that we ought not ignore, but I think that common sense and listening to the Spirit will keep those from getting neglected. But many problems really do just need to be ignored. (And those that need to be dealt with should be tackled in a way that doesn’t involve paralysis and overanalysis and psychoanalysis and dialysis and any other lysis you can think of. :P)

by: Janssen

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:11:35 +0000

One of my best friends in high school and I had a little phrase we said ALL the time (especially in regards to dating): “We ignore the problem and it goes away!” (Always said, inexplicably, in a ludicrous Russian accent). Although it was a joke, I’ve been amazed how many times it’s turned out to be the best advice, and helped me just move on with my life instead of dwelling on problems.

by: Liz

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:35:21 +0000

Good for you Ben. Can I just say I told you so? Also, I’m totally with you on this. Last fall, I had the same epiphany and decision: that (1) I wanted to get married, but (2) there was no hurry about it so I should (3) just let it happen naturally by being friendly to people that I liked. I’d say that served me pretty well. Good luck in avoiding the over analysis. Just remind yourself when you start thinking about marriage after one date that you should just have some fun.

by: Ben

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 13:14:20 +0000

Marisa: Oh, I do think that not thinking — the lemming effect — is stupid. Analysis itself isn’t evil. It’s only overanalysis, and even then only with particular subjects (such as dating), that spawns from the underworld. I love grappling with problems in my mind, and I won’t stop doing that. But I will stop doing it when the grappling becomes a chokehold on my system. :)

Scott: It’s hard not to give in to fears — they seem so valid, and if we don’t take them into account, we might make a wrong decision, right? — but “God hath not given us the spirit of fear.” I think we can still function quite adequately sans fear. Whatever data we might have gotten from it, we can get more clearly without it, and we have more power to act besides.

Ryan: Thanks for your comment. :) Overanalysis probably isn’t a problem for everyone, so that part of the post only really applies to those for whom it is a problem. But fear is universal, I think. :) We need to figure out what brings fear into our lives and either eliminate it or overcome it.

Emily: :) Thinking is a good thing, of course. It only seems to be a problem (for me, at least) when it leads to fear. Overanalysis that doesn’t paralyze me isn’t an issue, as far as I can see. Perhaps a waste of time, but not an evil. :)

by: Emily

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 07:38:50 +0000

I have the same propensity–overanalyzing, that is. Seems to run in my family. :) I was raised to think, think, think and not given opportunities to choose or DO things without a generous dose of fear. My husband balances me well now, though. He’s taught me that action can be a great thing. I like to think of how we’ve been counseled to pray- study it out, ask, then move forward. Not just study, study, study.
Thanks for the post, Ben. I was actually feeling fearful and discouraged today. I needed a good reminder. :)

by: Ryan

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:43:19 +0000

I agree with Marisa about the evil of not allowing for time to think things through. I tend to fall, however, on the over analyzing side of things. I take way too much time for myself.

I too have noticed that when I resist thinking everything through 49 gazillion times that everything falls in its proper place. Then, I think I need to think about stuff more and start over analyzing again. ha!

Thanks for the post!

by: Scott L. Peterson

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:39:28 +0000

Ben, thanks for the post. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and today has been one of the toughest days since then. Excruciating, in fact. Reading what you wrote, I realize that I tend to do the same things, and it’s unhealthy for me emotionally, and ultimately spiritually. You’ve reminded me that I need to take a cue from the Brethren, and not take counsel from my fears. Instead, I need to obey the Lord’s commandment to “let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27). Thank you, and best of luck!

by: Marisa

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 04:56:40 +0000

Of course, then you have the other evil: not allowing yourself to think about things enough. Avoiding problems and trying to run away from them in order to deal with it. That way, you end up missing out on a lot of great things. I think over analyzing might be the better alternative . . . just don’t do it too often. ;)