This postI tried. Really, I did. But today’s post will again be about dating. And I hope I exhaust this topic soon, for all our sakes. :)
While walking across campus and standing in various and sundry lines over the past couple of days, I’ve had another epiphany. You see, every time I walk anywhere, I keep finding myself seeing girls and thinking, “What if she’s my wife? What if she’s my wife? Is that a lead? Or is it a red herring? Hmm, this looks like a clue. What if that’s her, over there? The evidence is looking good, I think I may have nabbed the suspect. Rats, I was wrong, got an innocent bystander instead. It’s back to square one, my dear Watson.”
Reads like a bad imitation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, doesn’t it — maybe Sherlock Holmes and the Sign of the Spouse. ~shudder~ And that’s exactly what’s wrong with it. You see, I’ve been going about it all wrong. I’ve been looking for a wife the way Miss Marple and Inspector Poirot sleuths out their criminals. Dating isn’t a locked-room mystery.
It is a mystery, yes, but not that kind. I think the error in thought arises from the lingering idea of a soulmate — you know, the one you knew in the pre-mortal existence, the man or woman you were destined to marry. If that was actually how things were, then we’d hire private investigators to help us get married.
So, what metaphor should we use instead of the defective detective one? I’m not entirely sure yet, but it’s kind of along the lines of writing a novel. There are plenty of ideas out there — fish in the pond — and many of them would work. You find one and start writing, seeing if it’ll actually work. If it does, then you continue to work through it, revising often, and in the end you’ve got a novel. (How good the novel is depends on both the strength of the idea, how much work you put into it, and your own skills as a writer.) What this means as far as dating goes is that instead of looking for one specific person, you cast your net far and wide (sorry about mixing metaphors here ~sigh~), reel in as many ideas as you can, and go through them until you find one that works. But there isn’t any one specific idea you’re looking for when you start. Success lies in the hard work along the way, not in finding clues or deciphering the meanings of chance remarks. It’s gradual, not a series of lightning revelations.
Hmm, maybe I should have just finished this post without trying to provide an alternative metaphor. :P Anyway, it’s hard to change perspectives, especially when it’s as deep-rooted as this has been for me, but I’m going to give it my best shot.
