Heart to heart

I love talking with people. Whether in person or via blogs or e-mails or phone or any other medium you can think of (smoke signals, anyone?), communication — good communication — is a blessed and glorious thing. I’ve been noticing lately that the good things in life usually leave me feeling full. Not in the stuffed-till-you-drop way, but in some other way. I don’t even know how to describe it, but it feels kind of like a warmth emanating from the center of my heart. Books often do that for me, and physical touch (appropriate touch, of course), and heartstring-pulling arts. And conversation.

The medium doesn’t seem to matter — whether by voice or by pen or by pixel, talking with people fills me up with energy and vitality. I feel connected to this grand web of humanity when I talk to people. It’s so cool.

Last night in our joint CSL Society/Papercuts meeting, someone (I can’t quite remember who, but I think it was Amanda) pointed out that the more you get to know someone, the more you love them. To know is to love. Then Drew said that this is eternal life, to know God and Jesus Christ, and that the greatest commandment is to love God. And inasmuch as we do it unto the least of these our brethren, we do it unto Him.

Could getting to know people — and then loving them as a result — be a way of worshiping God? Whether it is or not, I’ve found the same to be true: when I really get to know people, I almost inevitably love them. In spite of whatever imperfections are there. In spite of their foibles. Even in spite of their spite, sometimes. It could just be that I tend to grow fond of people really quickly, but maybe there’s something more to it. Thoughts?

My lunch break is swiftly coming to a close, so I’m going to paste in something I wrote in a comment the other day: People are so interesting. It’s cliché to say, but everyone has a story. Even the apparently boring people. :) For example, what makes them so boring? Were they always like that? If not, what changed? And what’s it like being on the inside of a “boring” mind? What’s their passion, even if it’s buried so deep down they’ve forgotten it exists?

Maybe, in a way, as we get to know the children of God, we get to know Him as well. Not all of Him, of course, but bits and pieces — glimpses, momentary shafts of light, brief peeks into eternity.

Now I just need to find a job where I get paid to talk with people. :) (But not counseling.)

Maybe receptionist?

If only that weren’t a mostly females-only job… ;)

Thanks for the uplifting post!

I find that to be true for me too. When I really get to know people I end up liking them even if I thought I wouldn’t at first. One of my teachers shared a thought like that, that if you know someone even a little bit, it is that much harder to be judgmental or rude to them. (I guess sometimes it works the other way, but for the most part I think it helps.)

It’s true — every action has an underlying explanation (Jean Valjean stealing bread to feed his family, for example) which makes it much, much harder to judge. The explanation doesn’t always justify the action, of course, but it does remind us that our judgments are almost always wrong, and even if they’re right, it’s still not our place to judge.

You said, “Now I just need to find a job where I get paid to talk with people. :) (But not counseling.)”

So, why does an intelligent guy like you feel they have to be employed or hired to work for someone else? Honestly Ben, most here in Utah valley will not pay you what you are worth, just the minimum necessary to keep you from leaving, unless of course you are a trend setter like Alan Ashton. Really, they pay you and the benefits and they have to make more than that off your efforts so they can pay for management and still turn a profit.

Take your gifts and talents. Brainstorm. Seek Epiphanaies. What could you really do? What good could you do? What missions does God have for you, for which he equipped you?

Just curious…why not counseling?

Odd, I’ve had the exact same thought. Once when I was thinking of what I’m good at and like to do (I was thinking along career lines as well), I realized that I’m good at being sincerely interested in other people. And then I began wondering what kind of a career would work with that. I’m also not very keen on the idea of counseling. I think it would drain me emotionally exactly because I’m so interested in people. Having people come to me with their pain and problems that I ultimately couldn’t solve would be too painful and stressful for me. I’ve thought it would be really super fun to be a folklorist and collect stories from people. I know I would enjoy that a ton. Just spending time with someone, asking them questions, and recording their stories. How fabulous would that be? Especially if it were combined with dialectical research. I intend to do it informally, anyway. Which is why I asked for a digital audio recorder for Christmas.

Donna: Rest assured that the questions you ask have already been running through my mind for years. :) (Well, other than the first one. That one didn’t really come up until a month or two ago.) There are advantages to being employed by someone else, other than benefits, mind you — not having to worry about running the show, for example, thus freeing you from that stress. And of course there are advantages to self-employment as well. For me, I could see it going either way; at this point I really don’t know which way I’ll go.

Sean: I just have zero interest in it, that’s all. :) It doesn’t seem to be where my path lies — it’s not where my passion is. And I’m not going to settle for a job I don’t love. Life’s too short for that.

Katherine: Yes, I do think the pain and stress of counseling (here’s a reason, Sean :)) would be more than I want. I’m looking forward to seeing some of your folklore collections someday. :)

Ben,

I have been around the block a few times. I was raised by a WWII hero. They went to work and could stay in the same job until they retired. I was born in the decade following the war and most of my generation found that they ended up changing jobs several times. Then there is the generation that followed me, they end up changing careers. Many get through college and are not prepared for the real world, many cannot even find employment in their own field. It used to be that education prepared you for life and how to think. Then in the 1940s it was hijacked into career tracks.

I was talking to a self employed friend last night. He said that when he saw college grads working at a call center, he really realized that that was not going to care for his family. Though money may not seem like a driving force, men who want stay at home wives, better start thinking smart, instead of status quo. The standing rate of women leaving the home to help financially support the family has risen past 75% in LDS homes.

If you think working for yourself is stressful, try to eek out an existence on a Utah Valley salary, and raise a large family, especially with the added component of homeschooling. If you can get one stream of income up and going, and if you learn how to work smart, you can duplicate that. I watch so many people struggle financially, curtail their families, and eventually their wife working, because they believe that somehow working for someone else is magic, then they run into down sizing, out sourcing, and failure to meet payroll because of poor growth planning. Then they learn the truth, that there is no such thing as job security.

When you work for yourself, you are your own man. Like a farmer, you rely directly on God to bless your efforts. You also know if one area begins to dry up that you can brainstorm and with God’s help develop another niche. Kind of like a farmer that plants a different crop.

Just some thoughts Ben.

Oh, I have no worries that I won’t be able to provide for my family. Several of the skills I’ve been working on for over a decade are highly salable, which gives me the freedom to choose what I want to do. And that’s the crux of the matter — I want to do what I love (following my heart), not what I’m constrained to do by my situation. And I think that my years of training have made that possible. Sure, I still have much ahead of me, but I’m free to do what I want, really. It’s just a matter of figuring out what I want, and what situation will best serve that. If I’ll be happiest working for someone else, then that’s what I’m going to do — not because I can’t do anything else, but because that’s my choice. And if I’m happier working for myself, then so be it.

I reread this and realized your comments about boring people. I find that boredom is a self inflicted malady of the perpetually self absorbed.

Having worked with seven intellectually gifted and creative children (I was told that it is rare to find both together in one person) over the past 29 years, I can say that boredom is a choice. It is not for lacking anything interesting, but usually because we do not get our way and choose to not be interested in protest. We chose to be bored or interested. We make snap judgments that lack depth and not on the quality of someone’s character, but of whether they are interesting or not, and we do so for some outward reason, not because we have invested anything in really getting to know them.

I find myself asking your questions in reverse. What made you bored? Were you always that way? If not, what changed? What is it like being inside a bored mind? What’s your passion, that has caused you to chose to be bored, even though the self knowledge is buried so deep down you have forgotten it exists?

Years ago I sat in sacrament meeting and the woman behind me whined about how boring the speaker was. I was quite shocked, because I was being inspired by the speaker. Then the spirit taught me a huge lesson. It is God that teaches the lessons I need to hear, and drives it to my heart, if I am seeking His guidance. It is not based on someone else’s lack of perfect delivery. Thing of Paul and Moses and their self consciousness about their speech abilities. In this case, the woman behind me was closed to the message, because she shut herself off, by her own attitude and choices.

In the end, not all can be orators, and people may choose to be bored when listening to them. Some lack social graces and are awkward, and some may shut their heart to them, choosing to be bored with them, Others are lacking of charity and prone to snap judgments of others leaving themselves closed and choosing to be bored with others, that they have deemed in some way lacking and not worthy of their time. Some may be awkward, but I have never met a boring person. Yet, I have found a lot of bored people.

I agree, it’s up to us whether we’re bored or not. That’s why “boring” should always be used with quotes. :)