Bethany: Pity-parties are indeed ugly. And yet they feel so “good”… :P No, really, I didn’t nearly do justice to the bit at the end — I was going to be late for work. :) But you did a great job of expounding on it. You too should start posting on your blog again. ;)

Joe: Ah, the duality of man. :) I’m über-confident in some (most?) settings, but in others I’m pitifully, woefully awkward. If only I could get rid of the shy guy and be Mr. Bold all the time. (But maybe that would be a Midas touch…)

The problem, though is that we all think we’re “the only one” and sometimes (with me at least) wear these “special” problems as some kind of badge of courage. Then it just turns into a self-pity fest, and that’s just ugly.

The solution that most often works for me is something you hit on, but somewhat downplayed: our value as individuals. The Savior not only “thinks otherwise,” but has great respect and love for each of us. Holly has it figured out too–we can tell ourselves what amazing, beautiful, creative, loving, sacred beings we are. And we can throw out our cultural ideal of self-depreciation masquerading as humility, because it just doesn’t serve. Some people call these things affirmations, some people use prayer as a tool for this purpose, I believe the scriptures are FULL of these types of truths about our sacred nature, and that is one of the reasons we are commanded to read them often–it will remind us and keep us on track.

Of course, in a happy moment, I’m glad to put this all down in words, but of course I still have my days. Just lots fewer of them as I learn about who I really am.

Holly, I can relate. This post was intended to be a quick verbal high-five, but instead it’s some kind of honeybee communication dance. Ah! Well, have a great day guys. :)

Holly–excellent comment! I really needed to hear this part: “A little while back I had the idea come to me that maybe there aren’t a lot of things wrong with me, maybe the problem is just that I think things are ‘wrong’ with me.” I’ve had the same experience. I once was telling a friend of mine about how I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and after I gave a long discourse on the topic, detailing my endeavors, he said, “Katherine, maybe you’re just human.” I didn’t know what to say after that. It left me speechless because he was right. The implication being that I have trouble accepting myself as human–as a deeply flawed being. So, I’m working on this.

It is good to be kind to yourself, and to not be too hard, either. I think our perfection-based culture (which is a good thing, seeing as Christ taught it) often makes us harder on ourselves than we need to be, because we’re thinking perfection in the moment, where Christ surely intended perfection in the long run. What we need to do is see ourselves (and others) the way God sees us. That’s the solution, really. If only it were easy. :)

I really think you’re right. A little while back I had the idea come to me that maybe there aren’t a lot of things wrong with me, maybe the problem is just that I think things are “wrong” with me.

If I could pick any kind of learning experience, I would love to be able to be in someone else’s mind for a day, or even for an hour for that matter, and just see how they thought - what they thought about themselves and others. I think I could learn so much.

Oh, you make me think of a scripture that I really like. It’s in Alma 33:16, “Thou art angry , O Lord, with this people because they will not understand thy mercies which thou hast bestowed upon them because of thy Son.” I’m sure it is frustrating to the Lord when we don’t really believe in his love for us, or how much he values us.

Oh, one last thought - I like how you said about what a huge difference words can make - This may sound funny, but I like to say nice things to myself in my journal :) It feels good to be kind to myself.

Wow, this comment turned out a lot longer than I expected - I like this topic. :)