Add attachment

I get attached to people pretty easily. (Yeah, I’ve got this human velcro thing going on with my fingertips and the pads of my hands. It’s really awkward when I’m on campus and I accidentally brush past somebody and find my hand stuck to their sweater. Makes it look like I’m pilfering their wallet or purse or something. Or, with the ladies, maybe a bit too forward. And don’t even get me started about the awkwardness of hugs and handshakes.)

No, really, it doesn’t take long at all for me to grow fond of people. I often feel silly about it, since most of these people mean far more to me than I mean to them. (That’s not a call for pity, by the way. I just mean that I get more attached to people than usual, so it’s purely excess on my end, not deficiency on theirs. :)) I’m like an overeager puppy with a drooly tongue.

Whether this is a good or a bad thing (the attachment, not the drooly tongue) is of course debatable. It’s really easy for me to consider someone a friend, to open up to them and start pouring out my soul. All it takes is a few minutes (or e-mails or comments or however the interaction happens) if there’s a connection. With kindred spirits, it can take mere seconds. And sometimes I find myself growing fond of people I’ve never really even talked to — usually people I see a lot (like those at the library circulation desk and those behind the counter at the Cougareat salad bar — in other words, the people supplying my bare necessities :)).

Considering that most friendships eventually end, usually by fading into the grey oblivion of forgetfulness, I sometimes wonder if it’s wise to be so quick to make people part of my heart. Goodbyes give me bittersweet pangs. And yet they’re a fundamental part of life, something we have to deal with over and over and over again, at least until we get to heaven. That doesn’t make it any easier.

Being one of those heart-over-head people, however, I find that it’s not about easy (or hard). No matter how many times I get burned (which is rare, thankfully) or hurt, however slightly or deeply, and no matter how silly I feel for my out-of-proportion fondness, I can’t help myself. It’s better to love and lose than never to have loved at all. And I think that holds true for all the flavors of love — familial love, romantic love, this affectionate friendliness I’m talking about, and Christlike charity, and everything in between.

This is one of those posts where I’m wondering why on earth I’m actually publishing it instead of crumpling it up and tossing it in the bin. Am I already blushing? I can’t tell. Oh well.

Oh wow, I can’t believe how well I can relate to this post, Ben. I feel the same way. The other day at our work Christmas party I felt really silly, because at the end when we sang some Christmas songs, (I think you had left by then?), I actually had to skip a couple of verses because I was getting all choked up about how much I loved these people. Probably half of them don’t even know that I consider them friends. I felt pretty embarrassed, but at the same time, I really felt that way. I couldn’t help myself. It’s kind of funny to me now, but I looked around to see if perhaps, someone else might be feeling the same way, but really everyone looked pretty “ho hum” about it all.

But, yeh, I agree with you. Even though it hurts a lot when you loose those relationships, I would rather go through it again and again then not. I have tried doing it the other way, and keeping myself distant so that I don’t get attached, but it’s like I loose the real me in the process. By cutting off those feelings for others, its like I’m cutting myself off from them too. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, thanks for keeping this post. It’s nice to know that someone else feels the same way I do. :)

I’m exactly the same, Ben, which is why casual dating doesn’t work for me. I love histories with people, relationships whether romantic or friendship. But that’s the beauty of us, Ben. We are people people. We like to know their insides and outsides. We like to (for the most part) keep knowing people. “Humanity!” is what E and I are constantly saying. We love people. (But hey, so did Dickens, which is how he found all of his characters.)

I couldn’t agree with you more, friend.

What A said (of course).

Humanity!

Ditto the other comments–I’m the same too. You’re definitely not alone, my friend. And even though I sometimes seem like I am shutting people out in my blog, I can’t help it, because, as A said, we are people people.

Ben, I think that everyone can relate to the feelings that you expressed in this post. I certainly do. Love is the most beautiful part of our human condition.

Holly: Glad you feel the same way too. :) Yes, I’d left by then, but I was already getting a little choked up when we were going around the table introducing everyone and half the people were saying they were leaving within a couple of weeks. (Of course, I left eight months ago (they invited me back to the party as an emeritus member), but I’m still around. These people are mostly leaving for good. That’s hard.) I agree, cutting off the feelings cuts off everything that matters. The pain is worth it, somehow.

A&E: When’s the next Jane Austen movie y’all are going to put out? Oh, wait, wrong A&E. :P While I haven’t yet taken to exclaiming “Humanity!”, I do have to say that it’s growing on me, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it becomes part of my vocabulary soon. People are just so darn interesting. I used to think I wasn’t a people person, but over the last I don’t know how many years, I’ve realized that for the most part things don’t matter to me — people do.

Joe: God bless people people. :)

Janet: It’s true, love is the thing that gives life meaning. If it weren’t for love, what would be the point?

Holy cow, Ben. In pouring out your soul, thinking you were in the minority, it turns out that you have uncovered a common part of humanity: the ability and tendency to love. Sure, some people may have tried to extinguish this, and some people may genuinely be “haters,” but I think that the majority of people feel the same way. Heck, I do. So next time you’re walking around campus, watch out for people sticking to you!

I’m on my guard. :P No, really, I wonder why we often try to cover it up or excuse it. Maybe some think love equals weakness? I don’t know.