A time for introspection

This morning I was reading in the Joseph Smith manual (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church), and it just struck me that Joseph was only 23 years old when he started translating the Book of Mormon. Twenty-three! Somehow I always forget that, and in my mind I superimpose the 38-year-old Joseph onto those events. After all, it’s easier to imagine a grown man translating something like that. But that’s not what happened.

Beyond that, Joseph was only 24 when he organized the Church. Heck, I’m twenty-four. What have I done with my life?

Which reminds me of something Dean Hughes said at a reading yesterday on campus. Rather than butcher what he said by attempting a paraphrase, I’ll just recast it like this: When we get to the next life, the Savior isn’t going to care whether we were a writer or a doctor or whatever. He’s going to ask if we were kind, if we were meek, if we were selfless. It’s not so much what we did — it’s more about who we became.

With this bubbling around at the back of my mind, I was sitting in the temple earlier this morning, and I realized that somewhere along the last couple of years, my priorities have gotten a little skewed. Some of the more important things have had to step down and take a seat a few rows back while on the front row I’ve entertained what I in my foolishness thought took precedence.

This isn’t to say that those things were bad. They’re good, worthwhile things. But not when they swell to fill space that ought to have been dedicated and consecrated for better things.

You’d think I would have realized this while listening to Elder Oaks’ good/better/best talk in general conference. Alas, epiphanies seem to work on their own timetable, and it’s taken this long for mine to come together. But I’m glad it came.

On the walk home, I continued thinking about all of this, of course, and the burning question was how I actually go about changing myself. I can use up a lot of air saying I want to be a better person, but there’s a huge gap between just talking about it and actually doing something. Lots of somethings, even.

While I can’t say I have a definite answer yet, what I’ve come up with so far is this: action items and daily reviews. Yes, it’s a process. Yes, it’s mechanical and artificial. I’d prefer something more organic, frankly, but I’m finding that it often takes something mechanical to get to that point.

For the action items I’m thinking along the lines of David Allen’s “next actions” in GTD — the next step I need to take to make progress in that area. It has to be a verb, something I can actually do — not just vague, fluffy, abstract concepts and ideals. Being more kind is not a concrete action; washing the dishes for my roommates is.

When I get inspiration on how I can become a better person, I always write those things down in my journal, since I know I’ll forget them if I don’t. But I’m finding that I never do go back and review what I’ve written, which makes the exercise pointless except as a matter of historical note. And while I do care about my history, I’m more interested in my future.

To get there, I’m thinking I’ll start a new “improvement notebook.” In it I’ll record all of these things I know I need to work on. But that’s not enough. And so each morning I’ll review it (along with those New Year’s resolutions :)) so that I remember. It’s all about remembering. If you’ve got a perfect memory, great. I don’t. I’ll probably also start a weekly review — an hour or so, maybe on Sundays — where I can take a deep breath and look at how I did that past week.

Reviews and notebooks do give the impression of trappings, of things we do to do what we really want. But since without them I’m not making the progress I want to make, I’m willing to use them. After all, I don’t want to show up in the next life only to find that I totally missed the boat to heaven and instead get myself dumped onto Charon’s ferry. :P

Yes, I am back, but only briefly. My major school project is turned in. I am now back to my thesis.

Today I thought I would step into the portal of Ben’s world.

Not to quibble with Dean Hughes, but I beg to differ. His statement is a bit romantic. Yes, I believe and agree that we will be probably be asked about what we had become, and how we loved others. However, I also believe we will be asked about what we did for Him and the Kingdom with the talents and gifts He gave us. Did we fulfill the purposes for which we were on earth at this particular time and place?

On top of being and becoming, what missions lie before us? Each of us were equipped to do something beyond just being and becoming. One of my missions was to be a Wife and Mother in Zion and the House of Israel, an eternal priority. I have other missions as well. The key is priority. I try to “think beyond the veil” and place first things first, but even that is an arm of flesh approach. I am blind and putting a jigzaw puzzle together. But wait, I have someone sighted sitting beside me. He can help me know where the right pieces go and the timing… I hear a song in my memory, let the Holy Spirit guide you…

Great thoughts Ben…Pondering and reflection are good for the soul. The temple has a way of distancing us for the world, to give us pause, to help us see with clear eyes. Thanks for the reminder.

About your self improvement journal…

Are you familiar with Elder Scott’s approach via his CES educators address about helping others to be spiritually led? Basically, you seek epiphanies as to principles and how to apply them in your life, you record it, you act on the light and knowledge received, then you return and report to your journal. As you seek, receive, record, and act on that knowledge, you qualify to receive further light and knowledge.

I almost felt I was reading another Ben, Ben Franklin. All too often
I get the sense that people overly dwell on “after all I can do.” What is all we can do? We can repent. We can seek and knock.
However, too often I think we get confused and think that through our own volition that we can obtain the fruits of the spirit on our own. But the fruit is just that, fruit, and not just a seed. It is a result of the spirit’s refining and sanctifying influence in our life. Again, the way is by letting the Holy Spirit guide us. If we have sought and taken as our guide, the right guide, there will be no fear of wrong walls. Without that we do tend to get thickly involved in thin things and could, with good intentions try to scale the wrong wall.

Ben, maybe you could start by giving yourself some credit! :) FWIW, I think you are a great person. -Ali

Thanks for reminding me about one of my new years resolutions. I was planning to do reviews of my goals, and progress and stuff, but I totally forgot!

Ben,

A very successful man shared his secret for achieving his goals, facilitating changes in his life, and staying his course when he set a plan of action. He said that the seceret was all in the WHY??? Here is a simple form that he fills out on a quarterly basis when he reviews and sets his goals. You’ll note that he fills out a project sheet for four categories (Spiritual, Health, Emotional and Financial Independence) to keep his life activities focused and balanced:

MISSION STATEMENT
What is your WHY?

YEAR END GOALS
Goals to accomplish by the end of the year.
1. (Spiritual)
2. (Health)
3. (Emotional)
4. (Financial)

Project Sheet
(fill out one for each category) Health, Spiritual, Emotional and Financial Independence Mission Statement:
Step 1: Goal Statement
Step 2: WHY???
Step 3: Analyze Current Position
Step 4: Identify Risks Real and Imaginary
Step 5: Identify Obstacles
Step 6: Identify Investments and Sacrifices in Time and Money
Step 7: Identify Additional Knowledge you will Need
Step 8: Identify People you will Need to Help You
Step 9: Plan of Accomplishing Mission
15 days
30 days
45 days
60 days
75 days
90 days
Step 10: Deadline
Step 11: What will my REWARD be ???

The project sheets really do help. After you fill in your project sheet, just make a TO DO list of daily things that you must get done before you can play. The BEFORE YOU CAN PLAY rule adds the needed incentive to plow through the essentials of each day. When you accomplish each task on your TO DO list, cross off the task and give yourself a gold star if it helps. It really is kind of fun to see and review what you have accomplished instead of dwelling on what you didn’t get done.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful.

“It’s all about remembering.”
That is the most important sentence in _creation_. Period.

We don’t remember past deeds.
It does.

We don’t remember lessons learnt.
It does.

We don’t remember past people.
It does.

“It” is the System. The System wins because it remembers.
And all your troubles (and happinesses) come from the System.

Coming to changing yourself, two things make you humble quickly -

(a) Questions like these -
How much of your food do *you* digest yourself?
And answers like these - Someone else is doing it for you daily.
And they _are_ correct.
But this way is painful, risky and troublesome.

(b) Another, much simpler way to become humble is mix with humble beings full of love and emotion - your false pride will melt down in no time. Yes, I am talking of pups, birds, dolphins, elephants, ants and kids. When you are with them, you climb down from your exalted abode at 5 feet above ground - you come down to 1 foot above ground next to these angels. Not one of them will hurt you. (Cats are different) And all of them will love you without condition.

Reciprocate that love in exactly their ways. Cuddle with them, fall over, roll on the ground with them, play paw-fights, talk to them, wrestle with them. Seek to entertain them as an honest friend. Make them happy.

After doing this for a few months, if you don’t develop humility, you can ask from me my entire bank balance. I’m that sure.
But of course, you have to, in your mind, be one among them. You may succeed momentarily on the first day, but it doesn’t stay that way. You may fool yourself as well. That is why 6 months. By that time, with no incentives, if you still do all those things, you will really have lost all your vanity.
(b) is worth a try - 6 months, love kids, birds, pups and other sweet angels.

Donna: I guess there are two types of “what we did,” and I wasn’t entirely clear in differentiating them. I agree with you that we have to do things for God and for the Kingdom, using our talents, all of that. Becoming takes action. All I meant was that there are some actions that matter less than others, really. Yes, in the MTC we were drilled on Elder Scott’s talk, and his “knowledge available in time of need” quote still goes through my mind on a regular basis. :) And I agree that the Spirit is necessary for all of this. But I think it’s equally dangerous that we shift too much of the burden onto the Spirit and become lazy ourselves.

Ali: LOL, thanks. :)

Holly: Don’t! (Forget, that is. :))

Janet: Cool, thanks for that.

holyjoe: I’m not sure if I agree with you or not on the remembering bit, if only because I don’t really know what you mean by “the System.” Do explain. :) And I’m dreadfully curious to find out who’s digesting my food for me — and to see if I can hire them to do my sleeping for me, too, since I need a few extra hours in the day. :P

Oh, I am not talking about becoming spiritually lazy, but very spiritually active.

I have seen too often as people try to be self reliant to the point they rely on the arm of their own flesh. What they see as strength
often denies the atonement.

I have spoken with friends that treat God more like the co-pilot in their life, never quite ever learning to counsel with the Lord in all their doings. Never willing to ask the hard questions. Really, it is quite an active thing spiritually to humble ones self to seek guidance. It is not being commanded in all things to seek further light and knowledge, everyday.

Some are so fearful of becoming unwise and unprofitable servants that the the very idea, “have you inquired of the Lord?” is the last thing they consider, unless they see the question as a big one. It is almost like, well, we only bring out the big guns for big stuff. Only, we do not see clearly and big is determined by our vision, and that leaves us falling short too often.

My husband tells the people he home teaches, not to wait until they are on their death bead, to seek the Lord’s healing blessings. To call early. People would say, oh, I did not want to bother the Lord. I shake my head as people put themselves through needless suffering.

Sometimes, our limited sight could be enlightened, if we would only ask. What are we afraid of? Really, I think the Lord can help us see what is needful, cut through the clutter of our lives, and actually light the path we need to traverse. It takes a lot of faith to ask and then follow. Believe me, there is nothing spiritually lazy about it.

My husband asked a question at FHE last night, “How long is the straight and narrow path? He had a great answer;)

What it comes down to, I think, is balancing our absolute reliance on God with our God-given need to be creatures that act and are not acted upon. It’s okay to do things of our own will as long as we’ve also got that healthy realization that we need God, and a willingness to listen to the Spirit if an override comes down from on high. We just can’t expect God to do everything for us, that’s all.

Ben,

I do not think we are even on the same page here. I am not talking about God doing it all for us. Somehow I get the picture in my mind that you think I am suggesting that we just ask God what to do and have Him decide for us. That could not be further from the truth.

Seeking guidance is an act of will and humility. It is not an act of being acted upon. When we “counsel with the Lord in all our doings,”and seek guidance, we still maintain our agency and are free to choose if and how to follow those promptings, or act wisely with the vision before us.

Some people use God as a Santa. They just talk to God when they want something.

Some use Him as an if all else fails, last ditch hope against hope, safety valve. When a little studying out and seeking guidance, before choosing the course of action could have resulted in clearer vision and a better handle on the choices before them. Seeking guidance as to options that one may be blind to, is not asking God to tell you what you should do. Asking to see the situation clearly opens broader vistas to view. It may even make the choice before us a clear no brainer. It may even make a decision unnecessary at the moment. Our limited vision is often our major stumbling block.
Seeking insight, light, knowledge, can help us ask the right questions. We could be stressing over something that does not even belong in our mind share and is a distraction from what the Lord needs us to be doing. We could have our ladder against the wrong wall. Sometimes I think He lets us keep it against the wrong wall until we are humble enough to ask, “What lack I yet.” Hence the scriptural counsel to counsel with the Lord in all our doings. That sounds pretty encompassing to me.

Some use God as a co-pilot, and are use to being “Captain of their Soul.” Often only contacting God for permission, instead of actually finding out what God thinks on the matter. I see this so often with young people today, and even with older adults. It seems that they trust their own view rather than the Lord’s. They often quote that is is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. They seem to think they know what the Lord will say, and somehow they think if they do not seek to find out what the Lord has to say they will not suffer the consequences. I have often counseled with people that are in misery, struggling with an issue and I ask them if they have inquired of the Lord. They really did not want to know what the Lord might say, because they were not ready to follow His counsel. Many finally went to the Lord and the guidance they got was totally unexpected to them. Most people really do not want to know God’s will or seek His guidance, because they fear that they won’t get their way.

God’s view is so much bigger than ours. He has our best interest and good in mind. The “healthy realization” that His view is bigger, and that he can expand our views, is not being spiritually weak. It takes a lot of humility to seek “further light and knowledge.” It takes a very strong person to be willing to submit to that greater light and knowledge and trust in an unseen but very real power.

Oh, BTW, the strait and narrow path is as short or as long as we choose to make it. Lehi traveled in the darkness for many hours until he cried out. I Nephi 8: 7 And it came to pass that as I followed him I beheld myself that I was in a dark and dreary waste. 8 And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have amercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies. Alma was in the depths of sorrow until his mind caught upon the words of his father. When he cried out, it was instantaneous. Sometimes, I think we deny the atonement by trying to traverse the path alone.

I wasn’t suggesting that you thought we just had to ask God for our wishes, like a genie in a bottle — all I meant was that there’s a danger from swerving too much in one direction. :) (And yes, I could have made that clearer. My bad.)

Hey Ben,

Thanks for sharing the words of Dean Hughes (When we get to the next life, the Savior isn’t going to care whether we were a writer or a doctor or whatever. He’s going to ask if we were kind, if we were meek, if we were selfless. It’s not so much what we did — it’s more about who we became).
I think that developing those qualities of kindness, meekness, and goodness are part of the purpose of life if emulation of the Savior is our goal. There are often so many circumstances and things about us that are out of our control, but it is within the power of us all to be a little kinder, a little more thoughtful, more generous, and more selfless.

I love this quote of Elder Holland’s:
“There are many qualities you will want to look for in a friend or a serious date–to say nothing of a spouse and eternal companion–but surely among the very first and most basic of those qualities will be those of care and sensitivity toward others, a minimum of self-centeredness that allows compassion and courtesy to be evident. “That best portion of a good man’s life [is] his . . . kindness,” said Mr. William Wordsworth (Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey [1798], lines 33–35). There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can’t always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command–such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.” (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, How Do I Love Thee?)

And one more quote I want to share with you because it is one of my favorites and I think it also applies:

The words of Solomon Bennett Freehof:
“Years ago I preferred clever people. There was a joy in beholding . . . a mind . . . bearing thoughts quickly translated into words, or ideas expressed in a new way. I find now that my taste has changed. Verbal fireworks often bore me. They seem motivated by self-assertion and self-display. I now prefer another type of person; one who is considerate, understanding of others, careful not to break down another person’s self-respect. . . . My preferred person today is one who is always aware of the needs of others, or their pain and fear and unhappiness, and their search for self-respect. . . . I once liked clever people. Now I like good people.” [in Richard Evans’ Quote Book (Salt Lake City: Publishers Press, 1971), p. 166]

Great quotes, S! I completely agree with them, and I especially like that second one. That’s what really matters, honestly. It resonates. Thanks for sharing! :)