We all have our ‘perfect ideals’. It’s okay and even great to have such ideals as long as 1) we realize our ideals aren’t completely perfect and allow them to change as we understand God and perfection better and 2) we allow ourselves to both live and find joy in our imperfect reality, which includes our own and others’ foibles and imperfections.

I first learned this lesson in a relationship a few years ago. As I was mulling one night over some recently discovered imperfections in the man I was dating, I started thinking about the disparity between my ideals and reality. Reality seemed to fall so short of the ideal that I began to question whether the relationship was worth the effort. As I pondered further, I realized that all of my ideals of eternal significance were actually either being met or sincere effort on both our parts was being made to meet them. My imperfect reality suddenly seemed rather rosy–not because my ideals had changed, but because I had hope that those ideals would eventually be realized. As Sean and Elder Oaks say, it’s the becoming that matters, and I would add, the knowledge that through that becoming we will eventually reach the perfect ideal. The process of creating our best self is a challenge. As works in progress, most of us are coming along slowly, but developing beautifully. :)

I’m reading a book right now called “The Holy Secret” by James Farrell (author of “The Peacegiver”), and the message is along these lines. The message also reminds me of Elder Oaks’ talk a few years back where he said what we are becoming is more important than what we are doing. The Pharisees were doing most of the commandments (all, if you ask them), but the Savior made it a point to show us their way is not His way.

Thinking along these lines allows me to step back from the circumstances of my day to day life and focus on eternity. The answers to how I’m doing and how I’m feeling on a daily basis are then more related to the quality of my relationship with the Savior than with how work was that day.