Hurried hearts

It’s almost scary how much the media influences our perspective on life. The other day, for example, I was thinking about love — how it starts, grows, and then blossoms into a relationship — and I realized that my outlook on it is to a large degree based on what I’ve seen in movies. That’s a problem. :)

You see, movies are (on average) two hours long. The film may take place over a longer period of time — a lifetime, even — but you’re still watching a relationship develop in a fast real-world timeframe. And even if you were to stretch it out somehow, it still wouldn’t mirror real life exactly — movies are concoctions, imaginative journeys, often the way we wish things were rather than how they really are. (The same applies to books, of course.)

I don’t think this is a problem in and of itself, but when your idea of love is based almost entirely on what you’ve seen in movies and read in books, somehow I have a feeling you’re going to be at least a little disappointed when reality confronts you. Most of the time life is not like the movies. And if you’ve got a relationship that blossoms within a mere two hours, you might want to slow down a little and do a reality check. :)

What other ways do movies and books adversely influence us? (And spinning the coin around, what good things come out of it?)

I definitely do the same thing. Sometimes I wonder if subconsciously I go on walks because I unknowingly want to be like Elizabeth Bennett. Or Anne. I have a secret (ok, maybe not so secret) urge to be like Anne Shirley in every possible way. I remember being very little and wanting to be as good as Cinderella–always willing to help, never complaining… having that beautiful voice! Seriously, books and characters have shaped the way I think and behave more than I would like to admit. I can see this being a good thing, particularly if reading good books. But is it potentially dangerous too? Absolutely. It has taken conscious effort on my part to develop my own talents and interests rather than my favorite characters’. I work hard to limit the amount of media in my life (i.e. I don’t own a tv), and I still struggle to not get sucked in to media’s images.

Romantic films/books are so much better when you’re single and longing for love/sex! They get kinda boring once you get some good lovin’ and it’s so satisfying and 10 times better then watching it happen to other people on screen. Although, whenever I or DH go out of town, and I get lonely and start missing him a lot, I find that I start getting hankerings for a good chick flick.

Great topic with varying views and opinions depending which side of the subject one currently sits on and what one’s previous experiences have been. Great observations. I’m just chiming in with a song that one may find amusing, contemplative, and enjoyable after discussing or reading this blog. The singer-songwriter is David Carn. The song is called “I Want Fake Love”. The lyrics are just ’spot on’ with this subject. He deals with related themes in other songs on his player…specifically “Strangers”, “Move On”, and “Find Someone”. These songs can be found on his myspace page @ http://www.myspace.com/davidcarn or you can just click

Arguments. Movies have got me thinking that if I say some amazing strong deep final ultimatum and try to leave the room, that my opponent will be shocked into thoughtful silence. The result? I rarely have the last word.

Ben, why didn’t you go into psychology or sociology?!

Yeah - the benefit I can see for it, though, is that it gives you some perspective that is hard to get in life when you’re living the experience. It’s hard to look objectively at something you’re in the middle of. Because the plot is so condensed, it can help out with that.

I do agree with the problem, though. It can (if you’re looking at things the wrong way) cause some problems with wanting to rush things/have things be a certain way. It’s hard because you know that the movie ends with “happily ever after” and life isn’t always that way. Besides that, I think it also gives the impression that marriage/dating solves all problems. Take “You’ve Got Mail” for example - the movie ends with Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly getting together after he puts her out of business. Really, they’ve been online lovers for months. So they meet in a park and all is forgotten and they kiss and the movie ends but what about that minor little detail of putting her out of business? It’s easy enough to keep up a relationship online but what about in person? Marriage doesn’t solve problems. It is great and wonderful but. . . anyway. Too much conversation. Good post, Ben.

Ben, you attend a singles ward, right? So how many times have you watched two people fall in love in real life? Sure, you don’t get to sit in on the same kinds of conversations that movies depict, but I would imagine you’ve seen a lot in your parents’ relationship and I hope you were able to learn from your sister, if not several friends as well.

Granted, as a teenage girl, I probably based my idea of romance a lot more off of movies and books, and I’m not saying it doesn’t still impact my view, but there is plenty of opportunity to learn from real life as well.

Ben, I think that just made my year… thanks, it made me think about some things that I needed to, and lead to a good decsion on my part :D Thanks

I utterly reject the notion that books (and by this I mean good, well-written, thoughtful literature– not cheap grocery store check-out stand novels) exploring love, romance, relationships (romantic or otherwise) are merely for those who are lonely and/or single. Timeless literature discussing love, relationships, and the lack thereof are just that– timeless, regardless of dating or marriage status. Take for example, relationships portrayed by Austen, Dickens, Dostoyevsky, and Tolstoy. All of them have been beautiful and meaningful to me as a teenager disinterested in dating, a college single approaching dating with great trepidation, a college-aged dater, and now as married person. My point? Good literature is not a cheap, quick, chick-flick. Also, if books get you thinking about what’s important to you in terms of love and relationships, well, good. Because if life really is all about relationships (with ourself, with others, and with Jesus) then thinking about them is a good thing. Obviously real-life experience in relationships is the point, but exploring yourself, knowing yourself is part of it too.